I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Found your dick twin last night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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