Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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