3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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