Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You dont lie about slip and slides
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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