my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
