I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
