I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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