Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
