My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
