Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
