So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
