i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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