You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
