I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize