The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
