it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
