so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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