Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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