Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
