you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
