Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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