I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
