Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
