I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
