Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
