break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
