we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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