Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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