Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
