There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
