If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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