What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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