You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
