pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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