She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
