My room smells like vodka and shame
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
