Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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