Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
