did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize