I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
