i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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