You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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