Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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