Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize