he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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