i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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