It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
