We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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