last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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