Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
