i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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