I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
