Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
