I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
