Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
