all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
