Your face is a jimmy john
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
