Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
