Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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