The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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