you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
