Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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