so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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