I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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