it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
