saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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