Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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