I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
