Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
