I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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