i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So many bounce houses so little time
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
