omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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